I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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