You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
this will be a night to untag.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
