your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
