There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
no, he came in my armpit
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Randomize