So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
