who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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