I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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