i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Randomize
