why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
