yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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