I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
