If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
