I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
