Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Randomize
