things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
