My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
He shit in the fireplace
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
