No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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