Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I wish you could order shots online.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
