I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Randomize
