At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
