I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
