i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
