I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
