they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
