Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
