Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
