just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
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