Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
