I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
