I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize