I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
