Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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