Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
