Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
