You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
