his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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