i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
