it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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