xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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