Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
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