Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I party with great urgency now.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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