So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize