good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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