so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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