We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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