I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
