im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
