the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
