you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
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