"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Your shirt... Was in my pants
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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