Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
