...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
