why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
