This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Did you just see the Batmobile???
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
