You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
