I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Randomize
