So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
