ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
