hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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