we have officially lost it.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Randomize
