Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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