I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I forget how to act sober
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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