whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
