I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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