You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Just invented taco cereal.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
