i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
