Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
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